As my older sister Puddy and I parted at the beginning of the lockdown….knowing we were heading into our own homes in different states for an unknown amount of time, she looked at her younger gray-haired sister (me) and said “I wonder what color my hair will be when this is over.” I laughed, because I knew exactly what color mine would be! My hair color has sparked many conversations over the past few years. As this lockdown continues I know many of you have been addressing your own hair color issues on your own at home. Some have questioned whether it was time for a change. So today seemed like a perfect time to discuss why I allowed myself to go gray in my early 50s.
First of all, genetics would not have indicated that I would go gray this young. I was a very blonde child who grew into a dirty blonde girl, who later morphed into a mousey blonde teen. I never gave my hair color any thought. It was at my sister’s urging and generous treat that I went to a salon for the first time for blonde highlights in my early 20s. Over the years I would highlight my hair regularly with occasional blips of reprieve during four pregnancies. Twice I tried to go to beautiful brunette like my mother, brother, and eldest daughter but it didn’t work for me with my gold skin tones.
In my late 30s I began dating my husband Don. For those of you who don't know him, he is Captain Organic. He could easily spend his whole life without ever entering a grocery store or pharmacy again. A health food store and farm stand advocate, he eats organic whenever possible, and never eats chemicals. I have never seen him drink a soda or eat a Dorito. He also uses all natural skin products and cleaning supplies. Every 5 years or so the man walks in the door with a box of hostess cupcakes and our children literally almost fall on the floor in complete shock. He’s been a fabulous influence on our children, whose mother thinks Diet Coke and gummy bears are gifts from the Heavenly Father.
I used to come home from the hairdresser with chemicals all over my head and put chemical moisturizers on my face and body and climb into bed with my wonderful husband, in sheets cleaned with non-toxic laundry soap and think about him inhaling the chemicals all night that were slathered all over me. I felt like on some level I was poisoning my true love who took such good care of himself. He absolutely never complained but it was a thought that visited me often.
My beloved mother had died unexpectedly at 46 from complications caused by malpractice after an elective hysterectomy. We never got to see our beautiful mother age. We never got to see real wrinkles on her face or to see her have gray hair. My mother and I look a lot a like, and have the same name, and I never got to see my future. I want my own children to see my wrinkles and gray hair.
One night about 7 years ago I was out for a Chinese New Year dinner at a local Vermont inn and posed this question to my best girlfriends “What if I let myself go gray?” There was a mixed of reaction around the table. My friend Corrine piped up and said “Go for it. My mother in law is gray and it’s fabulous. You can always dye it back if you don't like it.” OMG, why didn’t I think of that? Yes, Gray hair is not permanent, it’s not a life sentence. You can always dye it back if you don’t like it!
And so it began. I had the hairdresser stop covering my roots and only giving me highlights. Over time I started spreading the appointments out and doing less and less highlights each visit. I also started cutting my hair more than my usual 2 times a year to remove the dyed parts. The highlights stopped and I eventually did a big hair cut to get to my mostly gray head of hair, I was thrilled! It took a couple years and I am now completely natural.
Here is what I have learned….
My husband loves it. The King of Natural loves that I am the natural me with natural hair.
My hair is a thousand times healthier. I don’t have to use products other than clean ingredient shampoo and conditioner.
It inspired me to completely switch to all clean face and body products. If I’m not putting chemicals on my head, why put them on my skin?
More men compliment my hair than ever before. Do men secretly like gray hair? I think so.
You will need to change your colors. Never did it ever occur to me that the difference between blonde and gray would cause me to change the colors I wear and what make up tones I need. Even though I am very color savvy, I now need to hold scarves and tops up to my face to be sure the tones work before a purchase. I can wear shades of colors I could never wear before. I also had to brighten my make up from plums to pinks. Since I spend less time sun worshipping than the old days I find that some bronzer pairs well with the gray. I tend to always lean toward neutrals and have learned to include bright colors to compliment my hair.
There is a grey hair shampoo in a purple bottle available in chain drugstores. It was recommended to me by a hair dresser. When you feel like you need to add a boost to your gray and make your hair a little brighter, use it. It was recommended to me that it only be used on occasion.
Are there times I consider dying it back? Of course. Those times are few and far between. Overall I am very happy with my decision.
In San Sebastian, Spain in October. I’ve upped my color game tremendously!
Last fall Don and I napped on the beach in Little Compton, RI. No more chemicals wafting over to my wonderful healthy conscious husband.