I am deep into my needlepoint stash. This is the 15th project I have finished so far this year. Both inspired by the wonderful “stitch 20 in 2020” campaign and being housebound during the Stay at Home order happening worldwide, I am stitching up a storm. In sorting through my stash I found this gem. Typical of me, this canvas was about 70 percent stitched and had been tossed aside to start a new project. I am so thrilled I had personalized it with “MOM 08”. The background design is my go to designs I love to add to canvases. After stitching away last night, I am a few threads short of Silk and Ivory’s gorgeous pink “Crab” and will acquire that when I am able. I’ve noted on the tape that I need “Crab” so I don’t forget the color, lesson learned, 12 years later the dye lot does not exist. Dye lots to me are hardly important anymore given what is happening in the world. I’m very happy now with perfectly imperfect.
This needlepoint canvas has taken me back in time. In 2008 I was dating my now husband. In January of 2008 he proposed during dessert at our favorite French restaurant Chanticleer, so I guess the correct comment is actually ”in 2008 I was engaged to my now husband.”
I recently posted on Instagram about finding love and marrying someone truly fantastic later in life. I had several people comment on my post about hoping for the same for their own lives. I believe firmly that you will not find great love without getting out and kissing a few frogs.
Approximately 18 years ago I was raising 5 fabulous children by myself in the country. I took 3 jobs to support us and juggled many balls in the air at one time, all the time. I was part of a book club/prayer group at my local church with some of the most wonderful women on the planet. I rearranged my insanely busy schedule for these Thursday morning meetings and I remember clearly my constant wish, prayer, and request of the universe was that I would have the strength and energy to keep all of these balls in the air at all times. While I worried about a lot of single mothery kinds of things like who has a field trip and needs a packed lunch, and where this one left their sneakers, or how I would afford ski season…the one thing I didn’t worry about was finding love. I was very, very curious how my life would turn out, but I was optimistic. I was excited for the future. My father had had two very happy marriages in his lifetime. My siblings both had very happy marriages, I was convinced I was due for one! I believed they existed and were normal and attainable.
If asked advice now…of how I got from there to here, this is what I would say.
You need to kiss a few frogs to find your prince:
Go to therapy. Sort your shit out. Dig deep into why you made the decisions you have made and how to not make the same mistakes again.
Do NOT settle. You have one life. Do not waste your precious life with an asshole, a half ass, or a drunk.
Find your joy and be busy with what brings you happiness. Smart, busy, happy people attract other smart, happy , busy people. (Joyful people can also be magnets for depressed people who want to be lifted, be careful about that. Do not take on any “projects.” “Projects” do not make good partners. Healthy people make good partners.
Put yourself out there, I have said to more than one friend “Prince Charming is not going to come find you on your couch.” Whether you try online dating or something else. You will not meet anyone sitting home by yourself.
Be a joiner. Joining bike riding clubs, hiking groups, ski clubs or take cooking lessons. You will make new friends and have fun. I can guarantee that if a potential frog prince asks you out and you say “I’m sorry, I can’t go, my riding club is riding 20 miles Friday to raise money for clean rivers” you just became 900 times more intriguing to that frog! Your new poetry club might have a Poetry Slam at a French restaurant in the country, what an opportunity to invite a frog friend to join you.
Let others know you are a happy, evolved person who would be joyful about meeting someone. You never know who has your dream frog prince as a cousin.
Go everywhere. This was advice given to me by one of my dearest childhood friends who is happily married for the second time. Accept all invitations, even to events where you are positive you will not meet your frog prince. You may sit next to someone at a baby shower who can not wait to fix you up with their perfect sibling. There are a lot of very happy relationships around the globe that were sparked by sibling introductions, intentional or not!
Pick your special word, the attribute of what you are looking for. After thinking about what I wanted in my life, and seeing which marriages I admired, I decided that there was one word in the wedding vows that I wanted in my life….”cherish”. I really wanted to be cherished by someone special and I really wanted to cherish an emotionally available, good soul. When you pick an attribute you strive for, it gives you a frog sorting filter, it also eliminates trivial characteristics like height or hobbies. Make your list of what you want and then go back and cross out all the superficial things. ( Then add gardener. I never knew I wanted a gardener and what a joyful surprise that has been! )
Kiss some frogs. Do not put all your eggs in one frog basket! If you haven’t dated much or haven’t dated in decades, there are things you will figure out along the way if you give yourself the opportunity to enjoy the journey. If there are any red flags, dismiss that frog and try another. You are wonderful. Do not settle. Have fun with it. Your frog prince/princess is out there. You will find them. Deep breaths my friend.