Traveling in the time of Covid- Summer 2020

I have just arrived in Michigan and am taking an enormous, deep, breathy sigh. I have finally made it to our family summer cottage on the lake after three weeks of extensive zig-zagging cross-country travel. As luck would have it, I arrived on the eve of our eldest child’s 28th birthday, for which I am so grateful. I was delighted to be able to participate in the celebration of our family big brother!

I arrived just in time to see my crew playing lawn Yatzee!

I have found traveling during Covid both extremely stressful (real legitimate and frightening virus concerns) and extremely poignant (deeply important time with adult children). I walked away from this experience thinking every parent and their twenty-something child should do such a drive and spend so much time together talking and talking while on the road. However, I stumbled into this adventure and came to this conclusion after this unique situation presented itself with children number 6 and 7. I highly suspect children 1-5 are hugely relieved they escaped such torture!

This crazy zig-zagging extravaganza was completely unplanned. Each step was an unexpected chapter in the unfolding story of this crazy summer of Covid 2020. It began out of necessity. Our youngest daughter Birdie had transferred into CU Boulder last January after a life changing semester with NOLS in Tanzania - which included hiking across the beautiful African nation, sleeping under the stars (while at times avoiding lions!), living with a homestay family, climbing Kilimanjaro with neither a sherpa nor a guide, and a celebratory trip to Zanzibar with her now forever NOLS pals. Transferring into a winter community in January, living in an isolated dorm, and being sent home again in March due to COVID does not make for solid roots in a new University. It was absolutely not as fun and exciting as her dreamy and magical fall semester. She has been stuck with her parents since March, and like most college kids, she is excited to return to campus. Three weeks ago my youngest and I decided she needed a “do over” and we flew to Boulder to visit the now sunny, warm campus and find housing. Luck would be on our side for not only did she find wonderful housing in a great location, she magically stumbled upon fabulous housemates as well!

After flying earlier in the summer on a nearly empty Delta flight through the extremely empty Albany Airport and a deserted Detroit airport I was optimistic for a similar experience. I was very wrong. While Albany airport remains very vacant, our Southwest flight to Dever was not. Every row had 2 people per side and the stumbling around finding seats - which I usually love, felt exposing. The Denver airport was packed and unnerving. It was not the experience I hoped for or expected.

Upon our return to Vermont we packed up my car and my baby and I headed to Colorado. Two chatty gals in a vehicle for our college student and with a line up of both riveting and timely Audible books, we hit the road. My very accomplished driver gave mom many breaks and I had the time to get in some great needlepointing while listening to and discussing both best selling Untammed by Glennon Doyle and Caste by Isabel Wilkerson (Oprah’s latest riveting book club choice). We travelled state to state discussing many pertinent and timely topics including feminism, life choices, and our heartbreaking and unacceptable race problems in this country. We arrived new women, for sure! The needlepoint project I am working on is a beautiful and modern blue and white geometric design from Lycette in Palm Beach. There are 9 unique blue columns running through the canvas. The drive from Vermont to Colorado includes 9 states, a fortuitous coincidence creating a treasured heirloom to mark this particular time in our family and global history.

My wonderful canvas from Lycette. Pepperpot fibers and small scissors are kept in this fab India Amory bag for easy travel.

During this long drive Birdie and I needed breaks. Huge fans of Drew Barrymore, we searched aisles of Walmarts in Ohio and Iowa for products Drew was recommending and demonstrating on her Instagram account in celebration of Beauty Week. Drew has been a fabulous breath of fresh air for us during the pandemic with great blog posts, interesting IGTV videos, and fun little video posts. Her unsolicited demonstrations of her favorite face wash and Crest whitening toothpaste are darling, hilarious, and so humble. I laughed when she said Crest might want her to stop talking about their products! As if! These videos piqued our curiosity and started us on a hilarious beauty product hunt during our breaks from hours and hours of driving. We added a search for our favorite lip glosses to our road trip entertainment. I discovered two I am particularly fond of, they are Lancôme’s Juicy Tube in Magic Spell (found at Ulta) and Drew’s Flower -Petal Pout in Sangria (found at King Soopers in Fort Collins, Co.)

The hunt for the best lip gloss entertained us during driving breaks. My two favorites are from Lancomê and Flower!

The second drive to Colorado was also completely unplanned. While in the midst of Colorado Drive 1.0, I decided to tackle Colorado Drive 2.0.. Youngest son Scotty decided wisely to join his siblings and move to Colorado. His crazy mother hatched a plan to make this happen. My father used to call me Patton when I was a young mother moving 5 small children back and forth between Houston where we lived, and his home in Bronxville. My dearest Daddy had driven an ambulance in WWII under Patton and he meant this knickname as the highest and funniest compliment. He would say to me “You can move an an army like nobody’s business.” Ha! Well this time, I did it on steroids. I wish he was here to see it and laugh with me. This was not the act of a high achieving dedicated mother! Hell no! This was the act of a desperate frazzled gray-haired gal during a global fucking pandemic! ! I was a woman on a mission. On a mission to GO ON VACATION!! My wonderfully darling and romantic husband and I had planned a vacation to his family cottage on Lake Michigan. I wanted to sit on the deck overlooking this gorgeous Great Lake, needlepoint, drink wine and eat white fish dip from Leland for God’s sake. I was on a time table to get these kids out of my hair! (And they were determined to get away from me!! Their tolerance for quarantining with the grey haired boring parents had long expired.) I say this in jest, but damn it, the two trips were really magical! At least for me!

And thus began “Tricia’s moving company, the one that is running on pure crazy” chapter of The Summer of 2020. I flew home on another crowded plane through a crowded airport (YUCK!). Rented a minivan, drove to Vermont, did one load of laundry and repacked my suitcase, fell fast asleep, and got up the next morning to a packed minivan and hit the road again for my second drive to Colorado in 7 days. I had our barely 23 year old son, his 22 year old fiancé and their gorgeous Dr Suess-like pup Otis. While my first drive included a cooler and an expert sandwich maker by my side, this trip was fueled on gas station food, particularly candy and Diet Coke. While I will be detoxing for months from the chemicals and sugar I ingested, my heart will be full forever from the three days I had my son in the co-pilot seat. There were no books on tape or music on this trip. This will forever be known as “Mother and son do not shut up for one fricking second for three days.” (As I type this I think of my older children reading this thinking “Holy Hell!! Thank God I was not trapped in a car with mom for three days!”) Scotty’s fiancé Miranda somehow survived this blabber mouthing and at one point played a couple true crime podcasts for us.

Otis the beautiful Dr Suess like rescue waits patiently in the front seat for his parents’ to return at the rest stop.

Two child school enrollments were completed, housing was both secured and outfitted, and a few fabulous dinners were had with my gang. This whole experience filled my heart. Target has all my money. My two youngest children live half a mile apart. Two wonderful brothers are in close proximity and mama got out of dodge. It was all so damn good!

My final departure from Denver airport was complete. My wonderful spaced out seat on United was a pleasure and I made it safely to Traverse City. It is here, in a cottage built by my mother and father-in-law in the early 60s that I begin my quarantine for the umpteenth time. The turquoise waves are rolling rapidly and loudly towards the beach. The wind is blowing and I sigh. 12 days more days of quarantining until I feel like this trip was truly a success.

I’d like to share with you some non-factual and purely opinionated travel tips I have.

1. Some airports are deserted and feel super safe. Some airports are crowded as hell and you have to ride jammed in windowless trains to your gate. Some security lines are empty and some are like Studio 54 and have you winding through paths of people with everyone well within 6 feet of you on every side.

2. Some travelers are very cautious and avoid you like the plague, literally. Some do not believe in science and boundaries or covering their mouths when they cough. It’s like Lord of the Flies meets Darwinism. You try to keep yourself safe amongst people who don’t believe there is a virus. (insert eye roll.)

3. Some states have mask requirements. In some states you will not see a mask at all. (We found the later to be shocking and unnerving.) It’s worth doing research on state mandates if you care about this stuff before you travel.

4. Most restaurants in highway rest stops are closed. A cooler full of great bread and cold cuts is a dream during road travel. A creative sandwich maker like my girl Birdie will make you realize sandwiches with Thousand Island dressing and pickles really are THAT good!

5. We found the roadways to be rather quiet, hotels to be at minimum capacity, and precautions like no daily housekeeping comforting. With the exception of one state, all hotel workers were in masks, behind screens, wearing gloves, and really welcoming to weary travelers. A special shoutout to the Hotel Boulderado which made me feel particularly safe on all three trips to Boulder!

6. Outdoor dining is great. Outdoor dining where mask-less people walk by close to the table on the sidewalks, not so great. Try to choose tables that don’t border the walkways.

7. Many of the shops and restaurants in some airports are closed. Airlines are not serving their normal fare. Bring snacks and other comforts and entertainment with you.

8. Over all, I am personally more comfortable with road over air travel at the moment. I have been in 3 empty airports. I have also been in a very busy airport 3 times.

9. If you find yourself needing a rental car bring a variety of chargers and a phone holder that pops into the fan vents. I have found myself numerous times without CarPlay in rental cars, only cigarette lighter charger outlet, and phones with maps falling on the floor while trying to drive. I found what I needed in gas stations along the way and it made my driving long distances so much more simple.

Best wishes to your own families as you navigate the new normal!

Looking forward to a few days doing this, and doing it right here next to this beautiful lake..

Waking Up In Michigan

Snoozing away to the sound of waves crashing outside our window, with doggies safely in the hands of their favorite pet sitter in Vermont, I have been back to my old ways of fabulous deep morning sleep ins. While Don jumps out of bed for sunrise swims in his childhood lake, I cuddle up with my baby pillow I have brought here with me in my carry-on luggage. My dreams have been rather dramatic during this time of Covid. I often wake with a start, with my heart racing, talking myself down from some crazy nocturnal adventure or unrest. The Wall of Moms being tear gassed, insane tweets from the Oval Office, and a deadly disease out of control in the U.S. that keeps me from crossing borders to countries where my children live is survivable in daylight hours. In the night, it all plays on my soul.

This morning I was the first one up. Wide awake at 5:30 a.m.. This time it was I who jumped from the bed. I moved to the living room overlooking the lake. With my hot cup of tea, the view of dreams, and my old friend Kevin Kwan I have begun my day. Several years ago I arrived at this Wes Andersonesque family cottage by the sea as I always do, with a few clothes, lots of books, and more needlepoint than I can possible finish.

I had with me a brand new book I had read about in a magazine; with a gorgeous cover and a shocking title, Crazy Rich Asians caught everyone’s eye. Nose deep in this beautiful book, birthing my obsession with Singapore and Mah Jong, I tuned out all family activities and delighted in this amazing tale. With my highest compliments I passed this book around the family. Long after we left I received texts from others who read the book and shared my joy. Each year I brought back the next installment to awaiting fans. My eldest daughter walked in the house one day to find Rich People Problems sitting on the kitchen counter and was appalled to say the least. Even when I explained that the book was fiction, she still could not shake the title. I finally managed to get her to read the series, and although she loved them dearly, I suspect she probably covered the third in the trilogy in brown paper!

The family cottage is quiet this year. 2020 has even managed to affect this remote spot with the magical view. Family members usually gather together and fill every bed in every nook and cranny. Large gatherings at 5:00 for cocktails and “fish butter” (named by little great niece Willow) are now rather small and tame. Bustling dinners and late night poker games are dearly missed this year. We have arrived as Heaton: Party of 5. And we so miss the other Heatons who will stagger their time here or stay at home this year due to the virus.

Some things are the same. The beautiful view of sea and sky which dazzles us with dancing shades of blue, green, pink, purple, and orange. Old needlepoint pillows stitched by my beloved mother-in-law Mame, gorgeous pottery, including topless mermaids created by my ceramicist father-in-law, and Kevin Kwan’s latest juicy summer read. While 2020 brought the cancelation of a Greek and Italian travel adventure for my husband and I, Sex and Vanity has taken me to the Amalfi Coast for a tour of the most beautiful estates, gardens, and hotels. I have gained a new cast of characters in my list of favorite friends. They have stolen my heart. I am here, early this morning, devoted again to the adventures of wedding guests as they celebrate in glorious Capri. Thank you Keven Kwan for bringing some much appreciated summer joy this very unusual year.

Human Rights Activist and Global Health Student Decided to Stay Put

Randa Chehab is a dear childhood friend of mine. I spent many summers as a young girl with Randa at a girls sleep-away summer camp in Chatham, Massachusetts. Randa was so much fun, with a huge contagious smile, a hearty belly laugh, and big blue eyes which looked like gorgeous pools of the most beautiful water you have ever seen. Growing up in the 70s with transistor radios blaring throughout the camp, all the girls would join into song when the Beach Boys “Help me Rhonda” came on the radio and we would serenade our lovely childhood pal with “Help me Randa, Help help me Randa.” The irony is not lost on me that our Randa is the helper and a new version of our ballad needs to be let us “Help Help you Randa!”

Like many of you who found friends on social media, several years ago I was so joyful to reconnect with Randa, who I had lost touch with in high school. It has been my honor to have a front row seat in watching Randa go. As one of the best childhood athletes I knew, it was not surprising to me that yoga would play a role in Randa’s adult life. However, having the privilege of viewing what she has been doing for others has been a complete honor. I was worried for her as a I read her updates about being stuck in India during the global pandemic. I asked Randa if I could share her story here, with all of you. I would like to share our Summer of Love needlepoint profits with her organization and I wanted you all to know why.

(There is a trigger warning I need to share: there is mention of childhood trauma in this story.)

1. Can you please tell us a bit about your background, where you went to school and what you studied?

I went to Smith College, got my undergrad in developmental psych, and rowed crew for the 4 years I was there.  After college I worked for years in outdoor education with the Colorado Outward Bound School and the National Outdoor Leadership School. After many years full time in the field (35+ weeks), I decided to put down roots up in Bozeman, MT, where I lived and worked on an organic farm and I also went to massage therapy school. I  was nationally certified (and still am) in therapeutic massage and bodywork. In 1999 I went on to PA school. I come from a family of physicians and so felt like I was a bit of a black sheep and needed to blend in more. After graduating from the University of Wisconsin, Madison  and passing my boards, I  decided to follow my heart with yoga. I just could not understand our health care system.

My yoga teacher at the time left Bozeman and handed me her students. I was so not ready to teach but she told me my heart was in the right place so slowly slowly from there it evolved into an incredible adventure. I have had a studio in Bozeman since 2002 and have been traveling internationally to teach since 2009.

2. I know you have been to India several times, what were you doing
there previously to this trip?

I've actually been coming to India since 2006. I come in the winters to
immerse myself in the practice of ashtanga vinyasa yoga with my
teacher, Lino MIele. Yes he's Italian!  He comes to the south of India for 2 months every winter. I practice with him and assist by helping with the other students. It was in 2006 I met my business partner's family.

3. You moved to India before Covid, what did you go there to do? Why?

Yes, I arrived in  India on Oct 2, 2019. My move is twofold.  My
business partner and I set up a home stay and yoga centre here in
Kerala about 35 km north of where my teacher does his immersions, in an old Portuguese settlement.

4. What is the Portuguese settlement like? What is a home stay?

It's basically an area of fisherman and very well educated and very Christian.  Every km for 9 km there is a Catholic church, names like Joseph Fernandez, Darvin, Beena Perriera. A homestay means the people that run the place must live at the house. Guests can have a room and can have access to the kitchen and my business partner will also cook but charges. He's a chef and he understands how the system here works which is not straightforward.

5. Where are you getting your master's in global health?

Northwestern University in Chicago (Feinburg School of Medicine). I am finishing my masters degree in Global Health, focusing on ending violence against women and girls. Ending violence against women and girls is one of the UN's Sustainable Development Goals for 2030.  Needless to say  I wanted to have a soft landing after doing my work in gender based violence up in the north of India. Kerala is a well educated state.

Just 2 weeks after landing here last fall I flew to Kolkata to meet my
organization, NISHTHA. www.nishtha.org.in
Nishtha is a grassroots organization that started in 1975. Mina Das is
the director now. It was her father, the local village physician who
said to his wife, "we need to do something for these women and you need to do it because you are female!" ( She’s nearly 90 now and I had the privilege to meet her during my time with NIHSTHA).

I know from my travels and time on this continent, females are at a
total disadvantage. From the time of a fetus onward, with sex selective abortions still happening… the girl child has been considered a burden. It's unfathomable  because women run the household and if there wasn't a woman running the household so much of India would collapse. Also for a country to climb out of poverty, how does it happen if half the population is kept down? Melinda Gates speaks of this in her book, The Moment of Lift.  This culture has such deep roots in tradition and in 2020 I feel the tradition is not serving the people.  Even the most educated women I know here feel helpless at times. AND the family reputation is an altar. Many girls and women are sacrificed on that altar.

6.) Can you tell me a bit more about the program about women and girls? I thought the poster about how women are regarded was riveting. What is happening to the women and girls? What does the program do to help them? How big is the program? How do donations support the program? What do they need the most?

NIHSTHA now has 10,000 girls it looks after in about 225 villages
south of Kolkata. It is building capacity for education and basic human rights! Honestly the message of right to live, right for shelter,
right for protection and right for development for both boys and
girls and men and women.  There are 3 groups for females. Divided by age: young girl, teenagers,  and then the women's groups. All
support groups and each support group will communicate with each
other, like big brother and sister programs. Safety networks are set up
within villages to end child marriage and save women from abuse.
Women have also been given micro-loans and as you can see from the
photos are entrepreneurs with street food, textiles, pottery, etc. It
is impressive. A lot of money goes towards education, school uniforms, and hygiene kits.  There is a feed the grannies program. Elders can be outcast in poor rural areas. 600$/ month will feed 100 grannies. Educating children of sex workers, giving daycare and physio to children with disabilities... It is a tremendous organization

This was so key for me. It was actually Prilita Das' husband who
was a village physician that said to her back in the early 70's we
need to do something for these women as after marriage, they are so
isolated and living conditions are so poor. So it was initiated by a
man that gave it to his wife as gender issues were big back then. Now
Mina Das, Pirlita's daughter and her granddaughters run Nishtna. I met them all except the husband. He passed years ago. The fact that
Prilita is still alive is incredible. She’s in her mid 80's and for India she is way past the average lifespan for a woman. When I met her I burst out crying, and bowed to her feet.

7. When Covid struck, I know you were trying to figure out what to do about staying or leaving, how did that all play out? Can you please tell us about how Covid is affecting India?

With the dense population of India and the high percentage of those living in poverty I refer to India as a powder keg in terms of COVID. India went on lockdown suddenly with barely any warning, which meant no domestic or international flights, no trains, no buses. All state borders were closed for nearly 10 weeks. Only essential shops, hospitals and government jobs were open and for limited hours. Literally the country came to a screeching halt. Pretty devastating.

By the time we were given repatriation options it was way too risky. As a global health student and my training in medicine I knew i needed to stay put. Flying meant putting myself and too many others at risk. I call the flight now the COVID CAPSULE. Repatriation flights were going from Chennai, Mumbai and Delhi, all hotspsots! We are very lucky here in Kerala. I mentioned before there were no domestic flights, no trains, or buses etc. so a private driver and the drive time made no sense. Too dangerous. My global yoga community was also telling me I was better off in India as they gave me a peek into their countries;
Italy, Germany, Denmark, Spain, Russia, England, Ireland, Scotland, Finland, Norway, Sweden, and the USA.

8. Where are you? Are you safe?

I am safe in Kerala. Our Health Minister is a rockstar. She has done a tremendous job. The case numbers are rising as we have all the Non- resident Keralites  (NoRks) returning from other countries and other states. But for now local transmission is very low.

9. I first heard about the cyclone that hit India from you. Can you please tell us what happened in India? How does this affect the
organization you have been working for? (For those like me who did not know, a cyclone is what we call a hurricane in the U.S.)

Cyclone Am phan hit West Bengal May 20th. Total devastation and destruction. It took a few days before I could even reach my organization by phone. It was very, very unsettling.  80 % of the homes in the villages I support were destroyed. All agriculture lost including COVID rations, and there is no access to clean drinking water. As you probably know with COVID and lockdown there was a rise in domestic violence globally. In Kolkata, girls were not able to go to school and women could not go to work. Now girls are being forced
again into early marriage and women cannot work as the cyclone destroyed what basic infrastructure they had. So it is really a dire situation. I do know how strong and resilient these women are however the girls are my biggest concern. Nishtha has made such strides for equality in many arenas but our situation is really critical at the moment.

10. What can we do to help?

Mina, as you recall, the Director of NIshtha,  asked me to raise money for clean drinking water. I am now channeling my efforts for this basic need. Nothing else can happen without such needs met. There are still over 63 million people in India without access to clean drinking water. She wants to install Water ATMs. We will start with 2 villages, each water ATM serving 20-25,000 people. We hope to reach our goal of 15-20 water ATMs.

11. What is a water ATM and how much does it cost for one for a
village? Last year I raised money for drinking water in Kenya. When
people know what they are buying, how much it costs, etc, it's easier to raise the money for such an important cause.

A water ATM is a purifier of an already established water pipe. They are like a cash machine but dispense clean safe drinking water. For every rupee invested in clean water 4-12 rupees are made back. With the water ATM one liter of water is one rupee. My organization priced one at 700 USD. Initially we are going to install a water ATM in 2 villages. One village serves 20,000 ppl and the other 25,000ppl. The director of Nishtha would like to install a total of 15-20 water ATMS.

12. Please share anything else that you think would be helpful to thework you are doing?

Tricia, what can I say? India is a country in a development bracket with Brazil, Russia and China. It is no longer a developing country but it still has a very large percentage of its people living in poverty. When you work in
human rights it is important to see the big picture because we are ALL connected. The most marginalized take the biggest hit. I was sexually abused as a child and I come from privilege. I want to pay it forward.
Help these women and girls have a voice, ownership of their bodies, pride and joy, and equal opportunity. Education is key and a strong support group. Building community resilience to trauma is something
NIHSTHA is doing very well.

13. Any word on your ability to travel in the future?

NO regular international flights as of yet and not until after July 15th at the earliest. It’s been mentally draining playing out scenarios in my head. I was supposed to go out for visa formalities and have been on an exit permit since March 29th! I had a ticket to Sri Lanka mid-March but India banned all visas suddenly so if I left I would not have been able to get back in. Immigration will give me 30 days once international flights do start. Until they start again, immigration will give me monthly extensions for my exit permit.

Update since original rough draft was written: I “spoke” with Randa last night. She feels she did the safe thing staying in India. She felt if she traveled she would be part of the problem. At the time her state side medical professional friends told her India was safer. Now Covid has arrived in India and where Randa is.

To help support Randa’s mission please consider donating to https://yoga-gives-back.networkforgood.com/projects/98836-randa-chehab-s-fundraiser

Quarantine blog Part 6: These are a FEW of my favorite things

SCALLOPED EDGES • SMALL SUITCASES • WATER PITCHERS • HERRINGBONE FLOORS • FABULOUS SOAP • THICK CARD STOCK • POETRY BOOKS • SLIPPERS • BOWLS OF CITRUS • BLACK AND WHITE MOVIES • NAPKIN RINGS • BLACK OUT CURTAINS • SYMMETRY • GLASS BOTTLED DRINKS • POSTAL STAMPS • OLD LADY WALLPAPER • COOKIE CUTTERS • SUDUKO • OLD HORSE RANCHES • SWANS • IRISH CRYSTAL • SUCCULENTS • ROSEMARY PLANTS • ANTIQUE SIDEBOARDS • TOP HATS • STREAMERS • SILVER CIGARETTE BOXES • TARTAN • SCHOOL SUPPLIES • BREAKFAST TRAYS • MATCHBOOKS • CHICKEN WIRE • VINTAGE CUTTING BOARDS • ROSARY BEADS • LEOPARD • PIÑATAS • KITCHEN TOPIARIES • PLACE CARDS • GREEN GLASS • BUD VASES • VINTAGE BAMBOO • MONOGRAMS • CHILDREN’S BOOKS • GOLD PINS • TORTOISE SHELL • BOARD GAMES • FLOWER FROGS • RED MUSHROOMS WITH WHITE DOTS • WATERCOLORS• SILVER BABY CUPS • FRENCH FONTS • DIRT ROADS • COLANDERS • CASHMERE THROWS • DOGWOOD TREES • BULBS • FOOTSTOOLS • PEONIES • BATHTUBS • EVERGREENS • PASTA MAKERS • ROARING FIRES • CHARM BRACELETS • RAINSTORMS • SILK SCARVES • PAPER MACHE • PENCIL BAGS • TWEED BLAZERS • TEA TINS • RAT PACK MUSIC • STACKS OF BOOKS • GOLD BAMBOO FRAMES • GALLERY WALLS • BOWOOD • CORAL • PANTRIES • ANTIQUE DECOYS • BAKING SUPPLIES • STRAW HATS • SHELL COLLECTIONS • ORNAMENTS AND STOCKINGS • HEART SHAPED ROCKS • LEMON CAKE • MY CHILDREN’S ARTWORK • ALL THINGS JANE AUSTIN

A big wonderful pile of sunflowers before our water party for Kenya.

Steamers with Birdie at the Squire in Chatham.

Our garden.

Needlepoint and backgammon with friends.

Dinner made my the magnificent Amy Thebault.

Needlepoint stocking for my Willie.

Mr. Wilson hides in the guest bedroom for a nap.

My sister and I, and our 3 little great nieces all have matching charm bracelets.

One of my antique top hats.

Quarantine blog part 5: Embracing Gray Hair

As my older sister Puddy and I parted at the beginning of the lockdown….knowing we were heading into our own homes in different states for an unknown amount of time, she looked at her younger gray-haired sister (me) and said “I wonder what color my hair will be when this is over.” I laughed, because I knew exactly what color mine would be! My hair color has sparked many conversations over the past few years. As this lockdown continues I know many of you have been addressing your own hair color issues on your own at home. Some have questioned whether it was time for a change. So today seemed like a perfect time to discuss why I allowed myself to go gray in my early 50s.

First of all, genetics would not have indicated that I would go gray this young. I was a very blonde child who grew into a dirty blonde girl, who later morphed into a mousey blonde teen. I never gave my hair color any thought. It was at my sister’s urging and generous treat that I went to a salon for the first time for blonde highlights in my early 20s. Over the years I would highlight my hair regularly with occasional blips of reprieve during four pregnancies. Twice I tried to go to beautiful brunette like my mother, brother, and eldest daughter but it didn’t work for me with my gold skin tones.

In my late 30s I began dating my husband Don. For those of you who don't know him, he is Captain Organic. He could easily spend his whole life without ever entering a grocery store or pharmacy again. A health food store and farm stand advocate, he eats organic whenever possible, and never eats chemicals. I have never seen him drink a soda or eat a Dorito. He also uses all natural skin products and cleaning supplies. Every 5 years or so the man walks in the door with a box of hostess cupcakes and our children literally almost fall on the floor in complete shock. He’s been a fabulous influence on our children, whose mother thinks Diet Coke and gummy bears are gifts from the Heavenly Father.

I used to come home from the hairdresser with chemicals all over my head and put chemical moisturizers on my face and body and climb into bed with my wonderful husband, in sheets cleaned with non-toxic laundry soap and think about him inhaling the chemicals all night that were slathered all over me. I felt like on some level I was poisoning my true love who took such good care of himself. He absolutely never complained but it was a thought that visited me often.

My beloved mother had died unexpectedly at 46 from complications caused by malpractice after an elective hysterectomy. We never got to see our beautiful mother age. We never got to see real wrinkles on her face or to see her have gray hair. My mother and I look a lot a like, and have the same name, and I never got to see my future. I want my own children to see my wrinkles and gray hair.

One night about 7 years ago I was out for a Chinese New Year dinner at a local Vermont inn and posed this question to my best girlfriends “What if I let myself go gray?” There was a mixed of reaction around the table. My friend Corrine piped up and said “Go for it. My mother in law is gray and it’s fabulous. You can always dye it back if you don't like it.” OMG, why didn’t I think of that? Yes, Gray hair is not permanent, it’s not a life sentence. You can always dye it back if you don’t like it!

And so it began. I had the hairdresser stop covering my roots and only giving me highlights. Over time I started spreading the appointments out and doing less and less highlights each visit. I also started cutting my hair more than my usual 2 times a year to remove the dyed parts. The highlights stopped and I eventually did a big hair cut to get to my mostly gray head of hair, I was thrilled! It took a couple years and I am now completely natural.

Here is what I have learned….

1. My husband loves it. The King of Natural loves that I am the natural me with natural hair.

2. My hair is a thousand times healthier. I don’t have to use products other than clean ingredient shampoo and conditioner.

3. It inspired me to completely switch to all clean face and body products. If I’m not putting chemicals on my head, why put them on my skin?

4. More men compliment my hair than ever before. Do men secretly like gray hair? I think so.

5. You will need to change your colors. Never did it ever occur to me that the difference between blonde and gray would cause me to change the colors I wear and what make up tones I need. Even though I am very color savvy, I now need to hold scarves and tops up to my face to be sure the tones work before a purchase. I can wear shades of colors I could never wear before. I also had to brighten my make up from plums to pinks. Since I spend less time sun worshipping than the old days I find that some bronzer pairs well with the gray. I tend to always lean toward neutrals and have learned to include bright colors to compliment my hair.

6. There is a grey hair shampoo in a purple bottle available in chain drugstores. It was recommended to me by a hair dresser. When you feel like you need to add a boost to your gray and make your hair a little brighter, use it. It was recommended to me that it only be used on occasion.

7. Are there times I consider dying it back? Of course. Those times are few and far between. Overall I am very happy with my decision.

In San Sebastian, Spain in October. I’ve upped my color game tremendously!

Last fall Don and I napped on the beach in Little Compton, RI. No more chemicals wafting over to my wonderful healthy conscious husband.

Quarantine blog Part 4: Kissing frogs to find your special prince or princess

I am deep into my needlepoint stash. This is the 15th project I have finished so far this year. Both inspired by the wonderful “stitch 20 in 2020” campaign and being housebound during the Stay at Home order happening worldwide, I am stitching up a storm. In sorting through my stash I found this gem. Typical of me, this canvas was about 70 percent stitched and had been tossed aside to start a new project. I am so thrilled I had personalized it with “MOM 08”. The background design is my go to designs I love to add to canvases. After stitching away last night, I am a few threads short of Silk and Ivory’s gorgeous pink “Crab” and will acquire that when I am able. I’ve noted on the tape that I need “Crab” so I don’t forget the color, lesson learned, 12 years later the dye lot does not exist. Dye lots to me are hardly important anymore given what is happening in the world. I’m very happy now with perfectly imperfect.

This needlepoint canvas has taken me back in time. In 2008 I was dating my now husband. In January of 2008 he proposed during dessert at our favorite French restaurant Chanticleer, so I guess the correct comment is actually ”in 2008 I was engaged to my now husband.”

I recently posted on Instagram about finding love and marrying someone truly fantastic later in life. I had several people comment on my post about hoping for the same for their own lives. I believe firmly that you will not find great love without getting out and kissing a few frogs.

Approximately 18 years ago I was raising 5 fabulous children by myself in the country. I took 3 jobs to support us and juggled many balls in the air at one time, all the time. I was part of a book club/prayer group at my local church with some of the most wonderful women on the planet. I rearranged my insanely busy schedule for these Thursday morning meetings and I remember clearly my constant wish, prayer, and request of the universe was that I would have the strength and energy to keep all of these balls in the air at all times. While I worried about a lot of single mothery kinds of things like who has a field trip and needs a packed lunch, and where this one left their sneakers, or how I would afford ski season…the one thing I didn’t worry about was finding love. I was very, very curious how my life would turn out, but I was optimistic. I was excited for the future. My father had had two very happy marriages in his lifetime. My siblings both had very happy marriages, I was convinced I was due for one! I believed they existed and were normal and attainable.

If asked advice now…of how I got from there to here, this is what I would say.

You need to kiss a few frogs to find your prince:

1. Go to therapy. Sort your shit out. Dig deep into why you made the decisions you have made and how to not make the same mistakes again.

2. Do NOT settle. You have one life. Do not waste your precious life with an asshole, a half ass, or a drunk.

3. Find your joy and be busy with what brings you happiness. Smart, busy, happy people attract other smart, happy , busy people. (Joyful people can also be magnets for depressed people who want to be lifted, be careful about that. Do not take on any “projects.” “Projects” do not make good partners. Healthy people make good partners.

4. Put yourself out there, I have said to more than one friend “Prince Charming is not going to come find you on your couch.” Whether you try online dating or something else. You will not meet anyone sitting home by yourself.

5. Be a joiner. Joining bike riding clubs, hiking groups, ski clubs or take cooking lessons. You will make new friends and have fun. I can guarantee that if a potential frog prince asks you out and you say “I’m sorry, I can’t go, my riding club is riding 20 miles Friday to raise money for clean rivers” you just became 900 times more intriguing to that frog! Your new poetry club might have a Poetry Slam at a French restaurant in the country, what an opportunity to invite a frog friend to join you.

6. Let others know you are a happy, evolved person who would be joyful about meeting someone. You never know who has your dream frog prince as a cousin.

7. Go everywhere. This was advice given to me by one of my dearest childhood friends who is happily married for the second time. Accept all invitations, even to events where you are positive you will not meet your frog prince. You may sit next to someone at a baby shower who can not wait to fix you up with their perfect sibling. There are a lot of very happy relationships around the globe that were sparked by sibling introductions, intentional or not!

8. Pick your special word, the attribute of what you are looking for. After thinking about what I wanted in my life, and seeing which marriages I admired, I decided that there was one word in the wedding vows that I wanted in my life….”cherish”. I really wanted to be cherished by someone special and I really wanted to cherish an emotionally available, good soul. When you pick an attribute you strive for, it gives you a frog sorting filter, it also eliminates trivial characteristics like height or hobbies. Make your list of what you want and then go back and cross out all the superficial things. ( Then add gardener. I never knew I wanted a gardener and what a joyful surprise that has been! )

9. Kiss some frogs. Do not put all your eggs in one frog basket! If you haven’t dated much or haven’t dated in decades, there are things you will figure out along the way if you give yourself the opportunity to enjoy the journey. If there are any red flags, dismiss that frog and try another. You are wonderful. Do not settle. Have fun with it. Your frog prince/princess is out there. You will find them. Deep breaths my friend.

Quarantine recipe: Homemade Ravioli

Recipe:

1 package homemade ravioli from our local CSA (mine was asparagus and lemon)

Boil and drain and return to pot on low heat with:

garlic

fresh herbs - dill, parsley, chives

Capers

tomato

lemon flavored olive oil

butter

Sprinkle with parmigiana cheese

Quarantine Journal- Part 2: Things I Have Re Fallen in Love With

10 simple pleasures I have fallen in love with during the time in self quarantine.

1. Taking time for tea. As someone who has never had a cup of coffee in my life, I am particularly in love with tea. I have different favorites, but I always prefer a black tea without flowery or perfumey flavors. My usuals are Irish Breakfast, PG tips, Darjeeling, Orange Pekoe, and Prince of Wales. My current favorite tea in stock is Taylors of Harrogate: English Breakfast. I have in quarantine taken the time to use lovely sugar bowls and creamers to hold half and half or heavy cream.

2. Lots of lovely old clean dishtowels. My wonderful stepmother always collected tea towels when we would travel. I remember her enthusiasm when we were on trips when I was a child to Bermuda, Ireland, and England. She was thrilled purchasing fun printed dish towels with designs that reflected the destinations. I have continued this tradition. Let’s face it, I never met a dish towel I didn’t like and have a vast collection of colorful, fun, and soft worn treasures. We have stopped using paper towels and every morning I thoroughly enjoy throwing yesterday’s towels in the laundry and selecting new ones for the day. I also love lovely country style knit dish rags for the sink. They are a little dingy in color but they are soft and smell fabulous when I put them out each morning.

3. Giving the dogs a treat. This has always been my favorite part of the day and one I overzealously have used to create nudgey pups who know they have a softy at their disposal. With time moving at a slower pace, I find myself spending more and more time in the pantry talking to the dogs as I give them treats. Daisy is particularly interested in pantry conversations. Finn really just wants me to get to the point. The treat.

4. Bleaching the sink. We have a big 3 bay white porcelain farmer’s sink. It is almost the width of our double window overlooking the waterfall out back. I have recently purchased some fantastic Bleach Alternative from The Laundress and my favorite household job has become bleaching the beautiful old sink.

5. Clean sheets and the smell of clean pillow cases. As a child I attending Camp Avalon, a girls’ sailing camp in Chatham, Massachusetts. Our chore every Sunday was to change our sheets and send the dirty ones off to the local laundry service. (Lucky girls!!) To this day I love changing my sheets. I love getting into clean sheets on that first night, and I particularly love the feeling and smell of clean pillow cases. I am a pillow girl. Clean pillows are the best.

6. Books. I am a book collector. I have my grandmother’s history books, my father’s childhood classics (including a first edition Winnie the Pooh) and a vast collection of cookbooks. As a single mother I worked numerous jobs at a time to keep my children and I afloat. One of my favorite jobs was working at our local independent bookstore. I made myself a little promise that with each paycheck I would purchase one art book. Reality took over wishes, but over the course of 7 years I did acquire an amazing art book collection. There are decades of novels collected over the years, and over the past 20 years I have collected shelves and shelves of interior designs and architecture books. My husband joined our marriage with his own large collection of books. A Buddhist and meditation guru, Don has collected rows and rows of spiritual books. Also known as Doctor Doolittle and Indiana Jones in our house, my outdoors enthusiast has a vast collection of bird and animal field guides. Golf and garden books are a regular gift for my guy. Together we have added a vast collection of travel guides and travel lit gems. When we bought Starlight Farm it came with a fabulous little library surrounded on two sides with floor to ceiling sturdy built-in bookcases. We have filled every inch of shelf space. Don and Courteney and I are loving rereading and exploring our own library.

7. Morning Fires. Starlight Farm has two fireplaces. Our living room has a tall brick architecturally unique and interesting structure. Our kitchen has a fireplace which I think looks Southwestern with its white stucco exterior and rustic wood mantle. In the winters when the house is full of revelers we have the fireplace going at all times. Our soon to be son-in-law and my great girlfriends Amy and Kari are the house fireplace stokers when they are in our nest. In the car heading from Florida to Vermont I began my mental “checklist of Hugge”. What were we going to need to feel really at home for weeks on end? Needless to say we called our favorite wood source and had a half quart of cord dry wood delivered in our driveway for our arrival. Morning fires are a luxury in chilly April, one I treasure greatly. Something so simple brings me such joy.

8. Everything old. I am a magpie. (Insert my entire family rolling their eyes.) I collect oddities. As the youngest children in both of our families both Don and I each entered our marriage with a collection of beautiful family hand-me-downs and treasures. This includes Don’s gorgeous thin narrow red hutch which has become the family trophy cases and houses all of our children’s beloved childhood clay projects. In our dining room sits my family’s dining room sideboard from Bronxville, an English Antique my mother bought with her friend and interior designer Jane Mitchell in the early 1970s. Other family treasures include lamps, side tables, gorgeous desks, piles of dishes, candlesticks, andirons, fireplace screens and tools, and a great deal of art. I have added to these treasures over the years with things like a wall size Union Jack, antique toy horses, a child’s saddle, a life size carved Indian head, and a very large wooden bear. Tag sales and consignment shops have been my source for midcentury dining room chairs, mixed matched 3 Bears style kitchen chairs, the most comfortable Swedish living room chairs on the planet, and old games to hang on the walls. I really like the quality of old pieces, I love the pantina and the uniqueness of the items. And the prices can be fantastic! For me the hunt for these items is a big part of the pleasure. I have had great joy over the past few weeks cleaning old wooden tables, fluffing cushions, rearranging basically everything in my house, remembering loved ones that acquired them, and reimagining how to you use old pieces in new places. Last week Courteney painted our powder room and Don and I moved his grandparents’ gorgeous ornate antique gold mirror into this simple space. My favorite piece in our house now adorns the smallest space.

9. Cooking. I can cook. I’ve always been able to cook and do it well. I haven’t always chosen to do it. I have over the years gone from making delicacies to mess hall cook for a family of 9. Our eldest son Jasper is an incredible cook and when he’s in the house I happily step aside or work as his sous chef. The past few years Don and I have really gotten into eating out and can often be found at the Pink Elephant on our favorite tiny island. Over the past few weeks acquiring groceries has been a bit of a challenge, and I have reclaimed my title as head chef. I do not like going on the grocery store and exposing myself to the other shoppers. I have come up with some routines to bring regular and varied groceries into our home. We have joined a CSA, arranged for occasional curbside pickup at our small independent health food stores and at times visited our small independent country stores for items like butter. Last week we added our first ever meal delivery boxes and are currently testing and comparing Martha Stewart’s Marley’s Spoon and Hello Fresh. Although this seems like a lot when I write it, it’s not. When you are navigating 3 meals a day for 3 people, it’s just about perfect. My cooking journey is joyful, nutritious, and another creative outlet. I was absolutely delighted when our youngest son called and asked for some of my recipes. I’m thinking of creating a cookbook for our children.

10. Inner Clock. I was a big night owl as a child. My parents would put me to bed and I would play, talk to myself, and entertain myself for hours upon hours in my nursery off their master bedroom. When baby sitting me, my teenage older sister used to go to bed long for before her charge. Boarding school and college were a night owl’s dream. Motherhood of school age children and being a teacher was a huge sleep struggle. Nothing like an early morning school routine to buzz stomp a night owl life. I find myself thriving in the world without days of the week and clocks. I literally have to make myself go to bed between 2 and 4 am. Our friends in Barcelona would be so thrilled to see my ditch my American schedule. I have graduated to someone who can eat very late dinners and thrive.

What simple joys have you refound during this time? Please feel free to include them in the comment section.

Kitchen cleaning has become more fun with sink bleaching.

My favorite art in my house!

I’ve raised the bar in cleaning and laundry with products from The Laundress.

Browning Couscous

First CSA box arrives to an enthusiastic household.

Working on a daily vegetable sauté to use during the day to enhance our menu and nutrition.

My poached egg pan is one of my all time favorites. You fill the bottom with water and each egg has it’s own little cup.

Starlight Farm breakfast special.

Don participates in the Heaton family pop tart making party on zoom.

Some of the wood delivery is stacked at the left. The burch logs were found on the side of the road two years ago and are getting used as well.

Kitchen fire set at 7:30 this morning.

Quarantine Journal- Part 1: Getting to Starlight Farm

There is no question that this pandemic caught my entire family off guard. While the world was paying attention to what was happening…starting to buy soap and toilet paper and stocking up on groceries, my family was at Johns Hospital in the medical ICU saying goodbye to my absolutely fabulous brother Henry. As the beginning of this unfolded, I was so wrapped up in my little world of love and loss I was able to both shut out what was happening outside the door while also dread on a very deep level what was happening both in front of me and around the planet. We were working closely with medical professionals who were on the frontline in the ICU and telling us what they were hearing about the arriving pandemic…at Johns Hopkins….one of the best hospitals in the world. There came a point when my sister, brother-in-law, and I looked at each other and knew it was time we each got home, while we could and as safely as we could. My sister and brother-in-law drove to South Carolina and I boarded an almost empty plane to Tampa. Meanwhile our youngest daughter was packing her dorm, and with the help of two older brothers was making her escape from college. Like most college kids, she was devastated to go. Luckily for all of us, she has two very loving, amazing, and efficient older brothers in the vicinity who were able to to help extract her and get her on her flight to Florida.

After a two week self quarantine in Florida we began to evaluate our best long term plan. My number one wish would have been to gather all of our children. Like many parents with children in their 20s, this was a heartfelt but unreasonable plan. We have two children living in other countries, there is a fabulous finance, and a wonderful dog Otis, great careers, roommates, and apartments. Our baby, was the only child stuck with her parents. Being the baby of two baby parents is both challenging and hilarious. We get her predicament, we empathize, and we also offer very little sensitivity because “we get it and we have lived it”. Stuck with the parents she was, and remains.

Like the variety of Vermont’s native birds we have come to love and admire, we felt the need to head north to our nest. We said goodbye to our darling little island and packed 3 adults, 2 dogs, and a needlepoint business into a small station wagon and headed back to the woods. Feeling anxious about what awaited us on the drive, we were pleasantly surprised on how well it all went. Upon arrival we went into self quarantine number two to protect our fellow Vermontors. We have finished that time, but will remain as isolated as possible.

I have arrived at The House of a Thousand Projects. While Florida has organized closets, no basement or storage rooms, and little activities to do in and around the house…..Starlight Farm has become my “Festival of Fun”. Okay, “fun” really is not the right word….but what word actually goes with the word festival, in the context of household projects and a fucking pandemic??? “Festival in a fucking Pandemic”. I think I like that better.

We have all settled in, especially the dogs who are thrilled to ditch the required leashes in Florida and joyfully run in and out of the house all day, interrupted only by naps on a 50 year old couch in front of a roar fire. Birdie has settled into online college classes and making music, and Don enthusiastically tackles all the household projects I don’t like. My days are spent packing and shipping needlepoint, reacquainting myself with my former love …cooking, and redecorating my house. This redecorating project actually means, rearranging all the furniture and art in the house, moving items around and often leaving them in the hallways, and hammering numerous nails into the walls until I get it right.

The Great Owl

A wave of quiet has washed across women all over this country. Once very chatty teenage girls, this week we find ourselves at a loss for words. We are women who share so much. We are many… years and years of girls from a small boarding school in Greenfield, Massachusetts. We don’t know each other outside of our overlapping years yet empathize and sympathize with each other today. We are the women of Stoneleigh Burnham, owls for life, and affectionally referred to by our teacher, coach, college counselor, and friend Tom Iampietro as “Stoneleigh Nation.”

We all have our stories about the man who lifted us, got on our cases, pushed us, listened to us, teased us, encouraged us, and even let us have it. He laughed with us and at us. He was expressive and we all could read those expressions with ease. The looks he would give us were both priceless and endearing and at times terrifying. He taught us, coached us, counseled us, and shared so much. We knew his stories, we knew his heros. He showed us so much of his life. We saw his admiration for his wife Canny and for his family. We knew about his education and his favorite places. He modeled pride, admiration, and sportsmanship. He modeled love, friendship, joy, and the appreciation for teens in their formative years. All of us have both hilarious and poignant stories about Tom, great, hysterical, touching tales that are SO TOM. And he knew about all of us. He really knew each one of us. He got us. He connected with us, he connected us with each other, and he pushed us to be the best we could. Often with us pushing back!

I arrived on the Stoneleigh Burnham campus in 10th grade. A kid from a boarding school family, who was both excited to be following in my parents and brother’s footsteps and in despair of what I would miss out on back at my public high school. I was not a student. I’d lost my beloved mother at age 7 and by 5th grade took very little interest in school work, I’d focused more on friends, after school activities, and my own personal book choices. Stoneleigh was just perfect for me. I immediately loved my new school and the girls. I’d found my girl gang, all 200 of them. I also found my academic foothold upon my arrival and wore my soccer jersey with pride. I was hearing a hub bub from the older girls about the wonderful classes they were taking with Tom (and with his wife and amazing teacher Canny). In Junior year I took specialized classes about historic events and government structures including the Supreme Court, the history of the 60s, and the Vietnam war, all subjects Tom was both knowledgable and passionate about. He passed that passion on to us. At 16 years old Tom changed my life by making me feel confident and engaged in all areas of academics.  He made me feel smart for the first time and at a very important age.  It gave me confidence that has greatly impacted who I am today. When I was in graduate school he began calling me “Doc” and “Professor”. I pleaded with him not to, pointed out to him many times that I had Masters Degrees but nothing that would warrant those titles. It didn’t stop him, he continued and he would just tell me over and over how proud he was of me. I debated writing this piece on Tom, I was afraid it was too much or too soon. I worried about causing any more grief to my grieving Stoneleigh sisters who have spent so much more time with him over the many years since graduation. I also knew in my heart that Tom would be the very first one to encourage me to speak up and put my words on the page, to use my voice and express myself … if it was about someone other than him!!

Like the rest of you I have some really hilarious Tom stories. At the moment, as I process the deep grief of his loss, I am also deep in the memories. I’m finding it a little safer hovering in the past than thinking about a future without him. I’m writing my Tom stories down. I encourage you to write yours too. Somehow, somewhere these tales should be collected and combined. I suspect the Horace Greeley, Stoneleigh Burnham, and Hamden Hall kids would share great joy in reading the progression of our cheerleader over the ages. My friends and I are the products of the young teacher Tom. I first realized this shocking fact when a bunch of us were hanging out in his office one evening, a regular event which usually amounted to lots of laughter and the exchange of some hilarious barbs. Tom said something which blew my mind. Somehow he let a fact slip. I can’t remember what it was, maybe the year of his high school graduation? … but all of a sudden I was absolutely dumbfounded. While all the other girls were gabbing away, I quickly did the math and confirmed I was correct. Tom was the same age as my brother!! …. he was in his mid twenties!! What?!?! We had been completely fooled into thinking he was a certified grown up by a wife and a beard!  That man was the same age Justin Bieber is now! He was a kid. I looked at him and whispered “Oh my god, you are 27!!” He turned his back to the other girls in the room, looked very firmly at me with that typical Tom look and said “Do.not.tell.anyone.”  We laughed and laughed about this years later.

No one was a bigger cheerleader for Stoneleigh Burnham than Tom. Facebook and instagram have been a huge gift to us all. We have all kept in constant contact for years. We have watched his family grow and his complete joy as he became a grandfather. We have cheerfully followed Tom and Canny’s adventures. I loved seeing his proud photos with my former classmates and their children. We have watched his posts to each other encouraging, coaching, and building us all up just as he did in the early years. . And we had easy access to communicating with him, our forever coach, teacher, and beacon in the storm. I have taken particular satisfaction that Hamden Hall made me him chaperone trips to Disney of all places! I envy you HH folks, witnessing that. Must have been hilarious. I’d give anything to see him complain and roll his eyes and watch him secretly love it. I particularly loved that he taught boys for the last many years of his career. I would have paid hard cash to see that, which I liked to tell him regularly. I joke, but really, I wished I’d been there. More importantly, I wish my own children had had the opportunity to be there. I read one of the posts by one of his male students that said he was a “better man having known Tom”. I love that. I also loved seeing Tom wish all my classmates happy birthday. How cool is that?! This man sent personalized birthday messages to his 2000 facebook friends every year. You could hear his voice in every message.

Long after leaving Stoneleigh Tom has continued to gathered us electronically, raised the owl call to action, and encouraged us to support our beloved school. His heart was in Greenfield long after he and Canny and the pups had moved on. His notes to us were humble, encouraging, and firm. He reminded us that we were a family and that we were tied together by our special school.

Last night I went though Tom and my electronic correspondences. So many times I sought his counsel regarding my children, or I teased him, or I thanked him for instilling my interest in politics and knowledge of the US Government. I took great pleasure in seeing his quips to my daughter on instagram. My last facebook message from Tom on December 4th ended with “How are you, world traveler? What a life you have made for yourself!!” It takes my breath away.

When I began to find my voice following the news of Tom’s passing I reached out to my (step) mother to share my grief. I loved her response, she said that my father was in heaven waiting for Tom. It made me think of my school friends, the many of us who have lost parents and grandparents who loved and admired Tom as well. The thought of all the parents greeting Tom with love leaves me both smiling and sobbing. He’s their hero too.

A letter of love to young mothers.

Dear loving, tired, exasperated, happy, overwhelmed young mothers,

I see you.

I see you looking adoringly at your babe, and my heart feels full of joy for you..

I see you waiting anxiously to board the plane, praying your little passenger doesn’t torment the 87 people who are staring at you, hoping to God they are not sitting near you.

I see you in Target at 5 pm after work with young children who are dancing on your last nerve.

I see you looking exhausted in the grocery store. You haven’t slept, you are on the verge of tears. I want to help, but I’m a stranger and that would be weird. And scare you. Just remember soldiers use sleep deprivation to break their enemies. Don’t let that little soldier break you. Naps are not a luxury that are too good for you, if time permits, take what you can get!

I see you in the playground wondering how you could be so lucky to have this child you tried so hard for.

I see you in the doctors office worrying about making the right decisions for your babe. You are a good mom. Trust your gut. You are not over reacting, and you are paying them for their time. You are the customer.

I see you. The other older moms see you. We get you. We walk by you and we feel great empathy for how tired you are. We feel nostalgic for that time which seems to have floated by us in a wave of utter exhaustion, trying to juggling it all without any sleep. Some of us, without any help. We see you with huge hearts full of love for you and flash back to that time when we were you. We are the women who smile at you when you aren’t looking. We are the ones who hold the door as you carry a tantruming child out of the store. We silently send you a little wish out into the universe. And we giggle to ourselves. We are so happy for you. And we miss our children being that age so much. Oh how we would love to revisit that time, even if only for a week or two. Oh, and dear mama, we think the tantrums are really cute. I promise you, tantrums are adorable to those who are not the parent.

We old moms know stuff, and this is what I want you to know too….

That child, the one you don’t think will ever get out of 2nd grade, that child will grow to have great empathy and compassion. There will come a day when you call that very child for advice. I swear. It will be good advice and you will even do it again. And again.

That child that clings to your leg and cries hysterically at pre school drop off will travel the world without you, and.you will be hoping for a phone call from a far off land. You will know time zones by heart, so that you can keep up with the child you once could not pry off your body.

That kid who picks fights with you in fourth grade, will use that same hutzpah to get a fabulous job in their 20s. Someday, someone will pay that child for that attitude. I know, it’s weird.

The toddler who draws all over your walls and gets into your lipstick will someday get paid to make art. Send them a bill for lipstick replacement!

The child who doesn’t shut up in the car and makes you wish your ears would fall right off your body, there on the highway, will be invited to every dinner party as an adult because they will grow up to be a fabulous conversationalist.

That child who takes apart your sewing machine and leaves the parts all over the house will do great things with their curiosity.

That middle schooler who doesn’t talk about his feelings, will be a really great writer. (But do keep trying to get them to talk , you are right, it’s important.)

Oh and the one who critiques your cooking and your grocery shopping skills, will make a Béarnaise Sauce to die for in a couple years. Hand them your credit card and turn over the kitchen to them. They do know better. And they have since they were 6.

There will be struggles, there will be phases that you just pray they will outgrow. Especially if you have a biter. There will be lots of tears, many of them will be your own.

Just know, as you fight the good fight, you have our support. We see you. We are so happy for you. And we are cheering for you, quietly and from a distance. But we are here if you need us.

Big love!

A story about LOVE and HOPE.

This is the story I shared the Boca Grande Women’s Club. The photos in this post are part of the slide show that was shown at the event. All photos were taken by Tricia Heaton, Kura Omar, and friends of KDEF

Good Afternoon Ladies, I am so very honored to be here.  My name is Tricia Heaton.

I often spend my Monday afternoons down the hall needlepointing with a group very happy rug hookers. Many of you have popped in on your way into the these meetings and I have always wondered what it was like in this room. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream that this would be the viewpoint in which I get a peek of what was happening in here!!

Today I have come to share with you a story about love and hope, about friends across the globe,  chance meetings, and the universe providing poignant moments when paths cross and ideas are formed.

I have these two magnificent friends Sarah Hadden and Kura Omar.  They met ten years ago in Kenya, where Sarah readily admits, she went for the first time because she had seen Out of Africa. Together these big hearted souls would set out to create a better life for others. A man in Kenya and a woman in Vermont decided to partner to keep girls in rural poverty in school. They started the Kenya Drylands Education Fund also known as KDEF. In order to meet their mission, they needed to address two issue, girls in poverty have no feminine hygiene products and many students can’t afford secondary school.

Kura has a knack for making the students laugh as he explains how Opportunity kits work and why staying in school is so important.

Everyone finds Kura’s talk both funny and interesting. Even the teacher!

Dr Deb Henley makes the girls who are holding their new opportunity kits laugh!

Sarah would rapidly become “the Madame of Maxi Pad". And she would pave the way for the rest of us around the country to join her on this journey. Kura would break religious, gender, and cultural barriers and partner with Sarah educating men and women in his country about menstruation! As a Kenyan, a muslim, and a father of daughters, Kura speaks to both mothers and fathers about why their daughters need to be educated.

Sarah and Kura developed “Opportunity Kits” which contain washable, reusable products that will last each girl one year. To this day Sarah and Kura have raised the money and distributed close to 10,000 kits.

Team KDEF en route to the north with their American visitors.

KDEF began a scholarship program to help educate high achieving impoverished students. Two weeks ago on the first day of school, 87 high school scholarship students started their new year. 11 students have graduated from the program. There is an approximate ratio of 70% girls and 30% boys. One goal is to uplift the girls, and not leave the boys behind.

My family and I have been enthusiastic supporters of this program for the past four years.

Last spring in Vermont I sat in a group like this here today and listened to Kura and Sarah speak about this life changing organization. I was listening to Kura’s presentation updating us about what was happening in his homeland when he mentioned there were severe drought problems in Marsabit County, the area that KDEF supports. I sat in a room filled with people watching a beautiful presentation and I had this weird little ADD fixation on this one sentence about drought. The truth is…I had never really thought much about droughts.

I offered to help KDEF. Sarah and Kura decide they would broaden the scope of their project, because quite frankly, you can’t educated people who are dying. KDEF’s great work would continue when all were safe.

I thought I could get a couple trucks of water to help. My husband Don and I decided to throw a fundraiser which Sarah dubbed the “Emergency Party”. While the water truck party was in it’s planning stages I began looking for help. This was urgent, I didn’t have time to wait for the fundraiser so I started where all little sisters start…with our siblings. My beloved older brother Henry was the first to jump on board, and the rest of both of our families followed immediately.

Kura was driving for hours and hours each day in the drought ridden areas and finding more and more devastation the farther he got into the more remote lands. The situation was very dire. Women were walking 10km in the heat to get water. (That is about the distances from Uncle Henry’s to the lighthouse on the South end of our island) The elderly, lactating, and pregnant women were in the most danger. A few children had died in the process of water collection. I was heartbroken to hear this news. 

It was at this point that I took to social media. I have a needlepoint design business and use both instagram and facebook to share my work. I love the format of instagram, it’s almost like your own personal magazine. I had to put myself way, way, WAY out of my comfort zone to do this.  Sending a truck of water to each village was life saving and we did that immediately but these people needed water for 5 months until the rains came. FIVE MONTHS!! I was so committed to this, I broke all of my personal internet safety rules. I also did something I had never done before, publicly ask for money.  I started asking strangers to join this cause.

A woman washes her dusty legs after everyone had a drink and all the water bottles were full. What a relief this village felt when their first water delivery arrived!

Kura and the water truck driver left their families for weeks at a time to deliver water all over northern Kenya. When I spoke to them about it, they said it was so worth it to be able to help these people.

And magic happened. 

Envelopes started arriving, online donations started coming, and people started handing me checks. Needlepointers, Needlepoint shops, childhood friends, and instagram follower joined in. One middle school boy in Vermont named Nick O’Donnell challenged a bunch of retired golfers to a ping pong tournament, he beat them all and raised enough money for a truck load of water.

Every time Sarah Hadden and I looked at each other we burst into tears. I’m not that much of a crier and I was in tears all the time! It was like the Folgers coffee commercials were on a loop ALL DAY. At this point Sarah was managing the funds and Kura was driving day and night all over this huge rural remote beautiful county supervising and personally helping deliver every drop of water.  Every single dime we raised went directly to water.  A family in our Vermont community purchased a 60 thousand dollar water truck for KDEF.  We raised almost 25 thousand dollars for the water fund and KDEF was able to supply 15 thousand people with water for 5 months. 15,000 people!! Some of the money went to providing permanent water solutions for 3 of the villages. A well was repaired and rebuilt in one community, and two water catchment systems were revamped in two other villages and now all work beautifully to hold precious rain water for drinking. Many people in this room saw this story and sent donations and I am eternally grateful to each of you! And it is because of you I am standing here today sharing the happy ending to this story. One of the things which struck me was how far 25,000 dollars went. 25,000 dollars kept 15,000 people alive for 5 months. That math blows my mind. 

One of the repaired water catchments now collects rainwater for future use.

Sarah sits with KDEF Board President Ellen Leeds and Board Member Pam Art.

At the end of October Don and I jumped on a flight from London to Nairobi and joined 9 friends from Vermont to travel through Kenya with KDEF. It was my one of the greatest pleasures in my life to have the opportunity to visit several of the communities which were on the receiving end of this water.  In each community the villagers showed up in celebration to meet the people across the globe who heard their cry for help. The chiefs were waiting to greet us. The villagers greeted us with hugs, songs, dance, and beads.  I will never forget their words of thank you. I was especially moved by the chief who began with the words “the world has forgotten us, but you did not.”….WOW!! “The world has forgotten us but you did not”……. In every village but one, we were only thanked and no one asked or even hinted for anything else they needed. In my favorite village, my favorite woman said “Do not forget about us. We will do great things for ourselves, but we still need your support.” I loved her spirit and the guts she had to speak up.

The only thing she asked for specifically were uniforms for the children for primary school. Kura explained to me how very important uniforms were for making children feel part of something special and making the other children want to go to school and get one too. My children donated 100 uniforms and last month Kura met families at the gate on their first day of school with a brand new uniform for each child. Kura had the uniforms made by a local seamstress in Northern Kenya so the community benefited in multiple ways. A hand made cotton school uniform in Kenya costs 6 dollars. Another family on our trip donated a kitchen to the school.

Now that this is behind us and we have seen how what was so little for us, is so big for them, I am inspired to continue to support this magical program in my new found love….Marsabit County.

Last Sunday I was sitting in a pew of a church on the island when I read lyrics which really resonated with me. “will you let my love be shown, will you let my name be known”.  That sentence really sums up to me what I witnessed while in Kenya last fall. This is a grass roots organization which partners loving donors with people who are working hard to do their best, who are so appreciative and open to love. These are pastoralists, herding families who live in huts in the nomadic lands. They know nothing about getting aide, handouts, or services. It means something to them when something from the heart happens, when they know someone across the globe didn’t forget them. I’ve seen the magic of this water delivery. I’ve seen the beauty of this rural country, and met it’s people. I have witnessed the amazing outcome of our life saving water collection and delivery first hand. My heart is full of dreams that more work will be done. 

Sarah, Kura, and KDEF are boots on the ground. I am always in awe of their visions for the future and their goals. For 2020 they have created a wishlist to fulfill their mission of education. Their scope will broaden a bit, while growing their current projects of distribution of opportunity kits and secondary school scholarships for high achieving girls. They will also strive to build 2 classrooms, implement a feeding program for local rural preschools, and raise the funds for more uniforms.  I’ve recently learned from Kura that there are a group of boys in one of the boarding schools who have given up their dorm so the girls can sleep in it. Those boys now sleep on the floor of their cinderblock classroom. That is an issue KDEF would love to rectify. 

KDEF will be running another Safari fundraising trip in September. It will involve both stunning Safari camps and visiting the beautiful pastoralists people of Marsabit. Last time I saw the big 5, visited the real African home where Karen Blixen lived, and Meryl Streep and Robert Redford filmed Out of Africa, I slept for one night in a mud hut,  had a cocktail in Kura’s backyard in Korr, overlooking the most gorgeous African night sky and mountain range, and was serenaded by Maasi warriors at a bush dinner in the Maasai Mara. I fell in love with the north and met one of our 3 scholarship students, Sarafina. I can’t wait to go back, I plan on being on the trip in September. If you love adventure and want to meet my friends, come with me! 

A family in Vermont donated a kitchen to this wonderful school. Like other countries around the world, providing meals at school is crucial.

What a joy to have Sarafina surprise us on our trip. We have been her sponsors for 3 years. She wants to be an accountant.

After a picnic in Maasai Mara.

KDEF Board President Ellen Leeds visits the student she sponsors at his school. He attends a very competitive school in Kenya and is doing extremely well.

When we arrived in villages we were met with song and dance. Dr. Henley joins in!

Ribbon cutting to celebrate the opening of a renovated school with a new classroom, latrine, hand washing systems, and a fence to protect the children from animals running through the school yard.

I was so honored when I saw this. This was a group effort with so many water warriors sending support.

Sarah celebrates to successful installation of the well.

little helper helps full water cans.

A Giant Thank You to All of You Kenyan Water Warriors!

I write this on Thanksgiving morning as I fly from Vermont to Boulder for a celebration with our children. I’ve never been to Colorado and I am so looking forward to taking it all in, while most importantly celebrating the gratitude I have for our family. 

While I am obviously grateful for the many gifts I have (of which I count frequently in a Gratitude Journal I carry in my purse), never in my wildest dreams could I have predicted the source of one of my biggest joys to date.  For this year, not only am I grateful for all of you, those who have followed my dream on this wonderful needlepoint journey….but also those who have followed the journey across the globe to Africa with me.

Last June I attended the annual Spring Fling event for the Kenya Drylands Education Fund AKA  KDEF (pronounced Kay-Def). Although I have a been a big admirer of the organization since meeting my dear and remarkable friend Sarah Hadden, I seemed to be one of the few in our town who had not yet met Ahmed Kura. I knew many people who knew Kura, as he is called, and spoke so highly of him but I had yet to have the opportunity to meet him myself. Don and I had already signed up to join the nine day KDEF Safari trip planned for October. I was anxious to meet the man who would introduce us to his country I had heard so much about. Like all great meetings, I had no idea the joyful turn this introduction would take.

During the luncheon event Kura addressed the crowd and spoke about his experience growing up in the very rural part of Northern Kenya known as Korr. For fear of butchering the factual and inspiring story I will give you the very brief gist. After a parental death and a remarriage custom, Kura, the youngest of a very large family, found himself as a child without a home or parental support. Growing up in Northern Kenya, in a pastoral community Kura was unable to attend school beyond the government-run free elementary school. I have since learned from our mutual friend Sarah that Kura was absolutely devastated that he didn’t have the fees to attend secondary school and that he at one point tried to sneak into the private high school classes to learn anyway. Sadly, the school administrators would not let him stay without paying the school fees. Pause here please, and imagine a 9th grade boy in rural Kenya trying to sneak into a cinderblock classroom to learn and being told to leave. How devastating that must have been! Long story short, an older more established in-law eventually found Kura an American sponsor, a professor from Georgetown University, who paid Kura’s high school fees. This man Kura is very wise, speaks more languages than you can count on one hand, and has world class social skills. He could easily have a very lucrative career anywhere in the world. What he has done instead is dedicate his life to his people, to help create an organization in his homeland which supports education for those in need, provides mentor programs to ensure student success, and delivers feminine hygiene products for school girls so they don’t miss any days and can reach their maximum potential without marrying at a very young age. That day in June when I met Kura, he was in Vermont telling a very interested group about these fabulous initiatives. His whole career is about making life better for his people. This ADD luncheon guest was distracted, I got sidetracked by a detail in the presentation. Did someone say something about clean drinking water? Was there a need? Do they not have clean drinking water in Northern Kenya? Was there a drought? What was that little snippet I just heard? Who needs water?

A few days later during a dinner party I asked Kura what the water situation was like in the North and “How much does a truck load of water cost in Africa?” I learned that a truck load of water costs $350.

As I mulled over what to do with this information I learned that Kura had returned to Kenya to discover that Marsabit County in the Northern Drylands was in dire straights. There was no water and the pastoralists were in severe medical danger. Lives were in jeopardy. Women and children were walking 10 kilometers to get drinking water. Children, pregnant and nursing mothers, and the elderly were the most vulnerable.

I offered to help, Sarah Hadden and Kura, the co-directors of KDEF decided that in order to do their wonderful work,  their recipients and their communities needed water. I started blabbing all over about this, on Instagram, on Facebook, and through email, I blabbed about the water crisis to anyone who would listen. We also planned a party at our home in Vermont where we could raise awareness and some funds. This was not an organized effort, there was no Go-Fund Me, there were no publications, nor a formal ask, it was just word of mouth by the town crier. Do you remember that scene in the first Harry Potter movie where the Dursleys were trying to keep Harry from getting his invitation from Hogwarts and the wizards send thousands of them into the house? We had some serious Harry Potter Owl Post magic happening too. Checks started coming. And coming. And coming. They came from old friends, new friends, instagram friends, friends of friends. Needlepoint shops collected and sent funds. Checks came from a little island in the Gulf of Mexico, and from all over Vermont. People just kept handing me checks, mailing checks, and contributing online. Every one of our family members jumped in.  EVERYONE WANTED TO HELP!!  I am seriously tearful after typing that sentence. I can not thank you all enough. As friends and family in America shared their resources and Sarah was managing the influx, Kura was driving all over Northern Kenya evaluating the drought situation. The farther he got into the more rural areas, he was finding village after village in deep despair. As fast as KDEF was finding need, money was flowing. I would tearfully send Kura messages that simply said “I found you some more water”.  Sarah Hadden and I frequently looked at each other in shock and with tears in our eyes. Water started flowing immediately when the first checks arrived. 100 percent of the over $22,000 raised went directly to water in Marsabit County. In most villages it was water truck deliveries, a temporary solution until the rainy season came. In two villages water wells or catchments were repaired so that those villages had a permanent solution. In both cases, local workers were hired for the repairs to keep the money in the community where the water was needed. 

In October Don and I joined seven other Vermont friends on a trip to Kenya. There is no question the highlight of my trip was visiting all the villages you provided water for. In village after village, the community came out to greet us. There was dancing and singing which brought me to tears every single time. Village elders spoke to us in ceremonial celebrations sharing their deepest gratitude to all of you who sent the water to their desperate villages. In one village a local Kenyan Government official came to pay his respects. In that same village the Chief said “The world has forgotten us but you did not.” Each village happily allowed me to take photos knowing they were being shared with the amazing people who sent them water. I had the most wonderful conversation with the driver of the water truck. I thanked him profusely for the many, many hours each week he left his family and drove around the drought area delivering water. He thanked us all in return, he said he had the best job in the world. I also spoke with the mason who spearheaded the well and water catchment system, he too felt it was a honor to join this team providing drinking water.

Thank you one and all for your generous donations. Fifteen thousand people got water for five months, two villages have long term solutions. Many lives were saved. The people of Marsabit County thank you!! I am just lucky enough to be the messenger.

We get ready to leave Sumburu and head up north to the drylands.

We traveled in a caravan.

Local Villagers were waiting for our arrival. Pictured here are Sarah Hadden, myself, and Kura with our welcoming dancers. The woman on the right in the striped dress is the assistant Chief.

This well was rehabilitated. I have a dream that some day my grandchildren will pilgrimage to this special spot and see my name and date on this well.

Kura presents a special surprise

Opening this well was my greatest honor. I was so excited about the whole experience that I didn’t even realize it was Halloween until I read the sign.

Kura translates information between the Vermonters and this beautiful community.

American co-founder of the Kenya Drylands Education Fund (KDEF) Sarah Hadden turns on the fresh clean water

Two miles of pipe had been installed underground to ensure this water was carried to the village. These woman will no longer have to walk 10 kilometers for drinking water for their families.

Beautiful dancing and singing

Local children are so fascinated to see their visitors from across the globe.

Kura, a Kenyan government official, and the town Chief talk to us about the amazing impact this new well has on the community.

I absolutely loved his outfit. Grateful elderly men came to the event.

KDEF Co- Founder Sarah Hadden and board members Ellen Baer, and Pam Art enjoying this beautiful day.

These are herding/pastoral communities. Animals are their financial resource. Without water, their animals will die.

In another village the community shows up to meet us and collect water from the KDEF water truck. Everyone is excited to see Kura who provides help to their communities in many ways..

More gatherings of joyful water recipients in each village.

We were all invited to sing and dance with the villagers, our Deb enthusiastically always jumps in!!

In these communities gathering water is the job of the women and children. In the background you can see one of the village homes.

The children are both excited and mesmerized by their American visitors. I was mesmerized by the young children carrying their little siblings on their backs.

Tom greets the children.

In another village we met the whole community outside of the school. I was most excited to see the woman on the right with the red necklace. I had seen her in one of the videos the first day the water truck drove into her village. She addressed us all during the town meeting and asked that we send her sincere thank you to all of the donors. The older children wear their green and white school uniforms. Thanks to a new donor these younger children will have uniforms when they begin school again in January. Each school uniform costs $6.

Deb plays with the kids. Deb is an orthopedic surgeon so it was not uncommon for people to ask medical questions when they knew her profession.

A second classroom, an outhouse, and two hand washing stations are new additions to this school. A large fence was donated and installed to keep animals from running through the school yard and harming children.

This is the brand new classroom built at the school. The wall behind me is painted with black paint as a chalkboard.

Don says hello to all the women who came to meet us.

This smile made my day.

villagers come and line up their water cans.

This beautiful water truck was donated by a family from Vermont.

This sweet boy supervises water delivery.

Windsor Castle

Last week we were at Windsor Castle. It was a chilly, drizzly day and there were only a handful of us nosy tourists poking around. I had been there as a 12 year old and still marveled at Queen Mary’s dollhouse like the 12 year old girl I used to be. I brought home a book on the magnificent dollhouse for future miniature marveling.

We went in the St. James Chapel and I sat on the bench in front of Doria’s roped off seat. I remember feeling so many feelings for this American mother during the wedding and admiring how Prince Charles treated her. How she must of felt! I can’t even imagine how she feels now. I read a few days ago that Hillary Clinton had been at Frogmore with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex that same day we were there. Obviously I have no idea why she was there but I’m grateful for any and all support the young couple receives. I’ve started many drafts of unfinished blogs voicing concern for the horrific bullying by the press and social media of these young parents, especially their main target Meghan. I’m so grateful every time I hear someone publicly stand up for them. Shout out to you, George Clooney! I’m particularly disappointed in the comparisons and pitting against each other of the two Ducchesses. I find it especially distasteful from other women. We know better. The idea that people think they know strangers who they have seen photos of but have never met always astonishes me. Having just spent a joyful week and a half in the UK, I was reminded that neither of these lovely non-Royal born women have any privacy or any freedom. They live in gilded cages with their beautiful babies and hopefully the support of some dear friends. They can not walk the gorgeous streets of London, pop in shops, or enjoy the restaurants I love. They can’t stop into a pharmacy or a lingerie shop and buy any personal items without it ending up in the paper. They can’t even buy chicken at the grocery store without ending up in a tabloid. Even if they try to do errands they are gawked at, photographed, followed, or worse. Yes, they have beautiful homes but they probably don’t feel safe leaving them.

I spent yesterday in Vermont curled up by the fire absorbing with delight the third season of The Crown. I won’t spoil it but what fabulous actresses!! Much of the series reiterates these observations. The Queen spends a great deal of time watching the world on TV. Having grown up royal (and before such penetrating media coverage) the royal sisters lived their lives behind thick walls, often at the expense of their marriages and children. Seeing Princess Margaret, played by Helena Bonham Carter was just magical.

Travel days

For me, long “travel days” are the hardest. I often have trouble sleeping the night before which adds to the discomfort. I have a few necessities that I have in my easy access carry-on or “personal item” which helps. For this particular trip I’m carrying a Patagonia backpack.

Travel comfort items:

1. A huge scarf or pashmina

2. Noise canceling headphones and some white noise downloaded into my phone. I have a favorite thunderstorm soundtrack I like for sleeping on planes.

3. Reading Material

4. Needlepoint projects and books on tape. I carry my needlepoint in a gorgeous Pip and Roo leather tube. I always carry extra needles.

5. Eyemask

6. Snacks

7. Sudoku and my pencil case. I bought this one in France and since its all numbers it’s perfect. I’m a pencil addict. They work in all conditions!

Travel Day necessities for the fast train and Chunnel from France to London.

A yoga retreat in a Château in France, really, does it get any better than that?

Almost 18 years ago when I moved to Vermont, I opened a small yoga studio. I was newly separated and making my way in a new community with 5 small children who were undergoing a huge life change, I was also a seriously practicing yogi. I was in the best shape of my life at 38 years old. Many factors resulted in the decisions to close this little gem of a studio two years later. As a single mother I really needed to make more money to support my children, and because I was teaching 11 classes a week my body began to feel the pressure. When I reluctantly closed the studio doors I left yoga behind. I locked the doors for the last time and said goodbye to my yoga practice. (Learn here my friends, do not ever say goodbye to a wonderful yoga practice. It’s hard to get back.). I submerged myself into the role of breadwinner and stopped taking care of myself. Gaining a lot of weight and loosing my flexibility were the side effects.

Fast forward many years and my fabulous friend Kari started her teacher training across the country at Sellwood Yoga in Portland. She and the owner/teacher extraordinaire Savonn are great friends and Kari began joining Savonn on International retreats. The good news is I was invited to be a participant!! Two years ago I joined the Sellwood gang in Lucca, Italy and I was HOOKED. By far the most overweight and out of shape yogi in the group, I was embraced with love and joy by my fellow students. When an invitation arrived to join them again this fall in France, Don and I signed up immediately. My very fit husband has been studying Buddhism and mediation for decades and was thrilled to be invited to join along.

Don and I made it out of Barcelona just as a very sad and emotional political event took place. I am in no way an expert in Catalonia or the politics that surround the relationship with Spain, so I will not even attempt to write about it. We were one of the last trains out of Barcelona before all the transportation shut down and there were huge protests in the streets.

I’ve written about our magical trip through the Pyrenees. These country mice love visiting mountain villages in different countries, submerging ourselves in the culture. Being in a spot where we are one of the only Americans is one of my favorite things to do. We stumble our way through speaking local languages and eat local food. Don is fluent in Spanish which always helpful, even in France!

At the end of our Pyrenees adventure, staying in French castles and gorgeous country inns found by Tina at the amazing Valerie Wilson Travel, we headed to the retreat….only to discover a train strike!! We were able to keep our French rental car for an extra day and get ourselves to Château de Bardouly. We picked up another Sellwood attendee and met up with our group.

Our first impression was “pure bliss”. This magical estate is covered in vines in the way only the French have mastered. The current owners Lisa and Jean Claude, bought the Château twenty years ago from a family who had owned it for 300 years. They painstakingly restored this gorgeous treasure, refinishing the beautiful wood floors, repairing the roof, leaving the bones intact, and embracing all the gorgeous wood paneling. Bath rooms were modernized, gardens were unearthed and replanted, and the Château was decorated in a manner which makes you feel at home and like a princess at the same time. Don and I were assigned the “Queen’s bedroom.” Fellow attendees and I were most intrieged by hidden doors and passageways. The house holds so many fascinating secrets.

At the Sellwood Yoga retreats, you are treated to a variety of fantastic adventures while being nurtured with two fabulous yoga classes a day and gourmet meals by local chefs. Morning yoga starts at 7 or 7:30 depending on our daily schedule, followed by a fabulous French breakfast prepared by the outstanding French chef at the Château. Daily adventures included visiting other villages, seeing numerous historic UNESCO sites, attending village farmer’s markets, touring other Châteaux and gardens, and visits from local masseuses! Lunch is either at home or taken with us. Never is any plastic used. We were absolutely delighted to open coolers and find glass bowls of chocolate pudding and real silverware and plates for this scrumptious fare. Afternoon Yoga usually starts around 5 and the group sits down to dinner together around 7. We had wine tastings and nights cuddled together in the gorgeous living room by the fire, laughing and joking with each other. I love traveling with other travelers, because you learn so much from them regarding places they have visited, sites to see, items to pack, and all around great tips from kindered planet traveling souls.

I joked when we left that I was suffering from Château Sydrome, that afilliation which comes from spending 7 days in France eating cheese, drinking wine, laughing til your sides hurt, rediscovering the joy of being able to touch your toes, and never wanting to leave. A huge shout out to Savvon and Kari from Sellwood Yoga in Portland, Oregon. Your Vermont students love you dearly!!

To learn more about this gorgeous Château and the many opportunities available at Bardouly you can check out their website https://bardouly.com/the-estate/

The entrance to our chateau.

Home for a week!

Favorite stitching spot

French farmers’ markets are heavenly

Especially during pumpkin season

Chic shoppers

Kari and I driving around France, trying not to make her laugh!

In love

Don roasting chestnuts for the group

Wine tasting fun

Taught Kerry to needlepoint!

Tuesday in Vermont

Choir practice

We are currently in the Pyrenees preparing to head to the Boudreaux region. Our hotel is from the 16th century and reminds me of an old Swiss Hotel that was decorated by the French Fabric magical fairy. The receiving area and breakfast room are all in blue and white fabrics and the dining room is a magical combination of uncluttered and stunning.

Our room is two stories up a glorious staircase and decorated with French provincial fabric. Two nights ago we heard the most magical music and couldn’t understand where it was coming from. When we threw open the windows we realized the country choir was rehearsing Christmas carols in the building adjacent to our garden. It was a really magical moment. I was so grateful to breathe in both the country air and the gorgeous sounds under the moonlight.

If you give a mouse a cookie....

For the past many months my husband and I have been planning a dream trip. We never set out to go on a long journey, this was one of those “if you give a mouse a cookie” scenerios. About a year ago I joined my long time and dear friend Kari on a yoga retreat. She had become a teacher at Sellwood Yoga in Portland, Oregon and had begun teaching with her friend, studio owner, Savonn. Kari and Savonn were bringing a group to Lucca, Italy and invited me to join. As you can imagine it took me all of 4 seconds to decide to go! Many, many years ago I owned a very small yoga studio in Vermont and although I know very well all the ins and outs of yoga, I no longer practice, and am in despicable shape. I marched myself over to Kripalu for a few warm ups and off I went to Lucca to join this extraordinary trip. Little known fact: Many gorgeous villas and estates throughout Europe rent out their spectacular facilities to yoga retreats. Seriously, who makes better guests than yogis??!! Yoga retreats are also a great value and often include meals made on site by local cooks… and there are sure to be visiting masseuses! I had wonderful plans to meet Don after the Italian retreat, and we enjoyed romantic Lake Como and adventuring around Switzerland - even returned to Murren, where I had studied in college. I did however, feel that Don had missed out. There were other men at the yoga retreat and our group had the opportunity to thoroughly enjoy Savonn and Kari’s classes and the chance to see many lovely sites in Tuscany. We had dinners in neighboring villages, went on a wine tour, visited Cinque Terra, and took Italian cooking lessons. (Which have resulted in the purchase of TWO pasta makers and NO homemade pasta to date!)

When another retreat presented itself, I immediately invited Don to join me. This time in France!! And thus, we have the beginning of “if you give a mouse a cookie” or in our case “if you are going to a yoga retreat in France, you might as well….”

If you are going on a yoga retreat in France, you might as well go to Barcelona!! 6 years ago we had the most fantastic International student Patty come and live with our family. For the last 6 years Patty and our Birdie have gone back and forth to spend great amounts of time with each other!! Birdie has completely adopted Patty’s family and vise versa. It was high time we made our way to Spain to see Patty and meet her amazing mother Louisa!! We tore ourselves away from Barcelona this morning after 3 full days and 4 nights of living it up in Spain. We toured the city and museums, we spent time with Patty and Lousia’s family and friends, we saw other girls who had studied in Vermont. We even celebrated Don’s 60th birthday. Because we were traveling with a local family, we often found ourselves in settings where we were the only tourists, which I love. This included the Barcelona Polo Club. It was very hard pulling ourselves out of our friends’ warm and inviting home but we had to continue on our journey.

If you are going to France for a yoga retreat, and you are going to Barcelona, you must take a week between and drive through the Pyrenees. (Marital traveling tip number one: When you plan a trip, have each spouse pick different locations or activities. Each spouse needs to be very enthusiastic for the other’s activities. This creates great travel harmony and a high percentage of future travel!)

Don loves athletic pursuits and adventure. As evident by the photo above, I am very happy sitting on a couch needlepointing. (Extra points if there is auditory enjoyment such as conversation with family or friends, television, or a great audio book.) I absolutely love to travel but my own personal choices might not include steep inclines, maps, undergrounds, or the woods. I also insist on staying far from Alligators. Don takes me way out of my comfort zone…which includes my current packing accoutrements… hiking poles, hiking boots, and scratchy wool socks. Tomorrow I fill my pockets with asthma medicine, grab my favorite travel tool (my beloved camera), and follow my husband through the gorgeous mountain range between Spain and France. I thoroughly expect a gooey cheese and baguette reward!!

Stay tuned for more Pyrenees stories and the other “cookies”, we are adding to this adventure!